Our Marriage, According to Zillow.

FOR SALE: Absolutely not.

Status: Permanently off market
Year Built: 20+ years later than we would have preferred
Style: Two old souls with mid-century tendencies
Condition: Well loved
Occupancy: 2
Days on Market: 0
Price: Priceless
HOA: Absolutely f**king not.

Property Description

Welcome to this rare, late-in-life find featuring two old souls, one excellent foundation, and an unreasonable number of red Persian rugs.

Originally located nearly seven hours apart, the property underwent a major relocation and has since been converted into a permanent shared residence.

The interior is warm, slightly weird, and filled with plants. Some are still alive. Others are not.

Architectural preferences include sloped roofs, giant windows, questionable 1970s design choices, and anything that makes both occupants yell:

“OMG! LOOK AT THAT HOUSE!”

Notable Features

Foundation:
Extremely solid. Built on connection, later friendship, trust, attraction, ridiculous conversations, and a mutual willingness to drive obscene distances to see each other.

Master Suite:
Cozy. Frequently occupied by two people who somehow still enjoy waking up next to each other.

Living Area:
Designed for a big TV that never turns on, excessive plant ownership, unique art, and a couch for occasional coffee drinking.

Flooring:
Mostly covered in hand-knotted rugs acquired for suspiciously good prices, and hides the creaks of the faux wood below.

Outdoor Space:
String lights strongly preferred.

Views:
Stars, mountains, beaches, sunsets, and occasionally one another with that look that says, My goodness…. We actually found each other.

Recent Renovations

Property has undergone several major improvements, including:

Long-distance removal.

Permanent Starman installation.

Backyard wedding addition.

And the conversion of “your life and my life” into simply…

ours.

Known Defects

One occupant has a documented history of skinny jeans.

The other occasionally enters full gremlin mode and has absolutely no filter.

Both spend entirely too much time critiquing other people’s Zillow bathrooms.

No remediation is currently planned.

Seller’s Notes

This property took a little longer than expected to find.

There were other addresses.

Other occupants.

Other plans.

But eventually, the right two people arrived at the same place at the same time.

And despite its quirks…

Neither has any intention of leaving.

Seller refuses to vacate.

Buyer refuses to sell.

Property permanently off market.

❤️